Today as I was driving home from work, thinking about wanting a Nintendo 64, a good memory of my bio family popped into my head. This doesn’t happen often because there weren’t many good times, so when it does I get  a little excited. My Dad loved video games. I remember him coming home from work and playing Grand Theft Aut0 all the time. I remember wanting, sometimes, to play with him. I wanted to sit down beside him and have him teach me the know-hows and goto’s of the game. In this particular memory my brothers, my dad, and I sat in the living room playing grand theft auto for what seemed like hours, though it was only about 15 minutes {enough time for my brothers and I to each die once}. I remember not being very good at it and honestly not very entertained by it, but I was sitting with my family doing a family thing and no one was getting yelled at, hit, or touched inappropriately. There were many mentally and emotionally abusive things said, but it didn’t seem to matter so much because there wasn’t an intensity of anger invading the air. My brothers sat with grins on their faces as well, laughing maniacally at the other when he died. I remember hoping that it could be this “simple” for just a little longer. This moment of family togetherness didn’t last long as my dad became angry and made us all go to bed, but for a short few minutes we were a family. I think those were the moments that gave me hope, that showed me that there is a life out there that isn’t always screaming and getting hurt. They say that there is never just bad and never just good, I must agree. Without the bad the good wouldn’t be good, without the good we wouldn’t learn anything from the bad. Most of my childhood was disastrous, monstrous really, but I know that it wasn’t all horrible. Just like this memory, a few others linger somewhere in the chaos of my brain. Somewhere along the span of my childhood I decided that when I grow up I want to create and pack my life full of good memories, not momentarily good ones. So, for these momentarily good memories I do have I give thanks because they have given me hope and meaning.

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2 thoughts on “Momentarily Memories

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