Who gets to decide whether someone gets punished? Our entire childhood aren’t we directed not to tattle? So why is it okay as an adult? Three years ago I took it upon my self to “tattle” on my mom and Unakite, today I am being asked to tattle on another one of my prior caregivers. How is this right? Who decided that it was okay? Three years ago when I decided to open the box of family secrets I wasn’t asked to. I had 100% control of deciding. I weighed every single option very carefully. Finally, after much time and contemplation I decided that it was in the best interest of others and myself to disclose the secrets. I knew that in doing so I would be protecting 5 of the most important people in my life. I knew that it would give my mom an opportunity to face what she had done and move forward. I understood that it might force Unakite to face the things he had done and sit in it.  But 3 years ago when I opened my mouth I was naive, I didn’t understand as much as I thought I did. I knew nothing of what was about to enfold. I didn’t realize that confiding in a “friend” would result in immediate involvement from the police. I didn’t realize that Zheaila {adoptive mom} and Basil {adoptive dad} would be so reactive, upset. I didn’t realize that, out of fear, Basil would freak out and ask me multiple times why I would open my mouth. I didn’t understand the sadness that Zheaila endured. When I told, I didn’t expect for it to turn into a trial by jury. I didn’t know that in attempt to protect them, I would lose the 5 most important people in my life. When I tattled, I weighed every single option I knew, but I didn’t understand the bigger picture. I didn’t understand the residual effects of such a small secret. This incident tore me apart. Emotionally, I couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t just torn, I was shattered. I am now being asked to participate in another trial, testify against another person who was supposed to love me, tattle and expose something that was supposed to stay a secret. I’m being asked to not only jeopardize the loss of relationship with people connected to the defendant, but to jeopardize my stability. I have been in that seat before and it’s very hot and very uncomfortable. In 3 years I have improved at a miraculous rate, come further than I ever imagined possible, and now I am being asked to jeopardize all that. Who made this okay? This choice isn’t simple. I know that testifying would put all of my hard work at risk because I fall apart at any contact with the past; any phone call, email, Faceb0ok post, ect. I don’t want to look back and regret it if he walks free but I also do not want to put myself back up on a stand and in such a debilitating situation. So who made this an option? Why is tattling okay now? Because the action is intolerable and unacceptable? Who decided it was okay to have people go against one another in the name of justice? I’m not saying that what this person did was okay, because just like Unakite, it wasn’t. I guess what I’m getting at is: why does it have to be so hard to do the right thing? Why does it have to be that you’re either selfish for not saying anything or testify and put your own self at risk? How does any of this even make sense?

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