POW·ER /pou(ə)r/: the ability to do something or
act in a particular way
When one is in complete and full control of their mind and their body, they become invincible. Personal power is one of the greatest tools we as human beings have been gifted with. However, it is also one of the easiest things we own to give away and happens much too often.
I have been asked so many times why I am choosing to dissolve my adoption and remove my adoptive families name from my birth certificate. I have been scorned for not being thankful enough to them for taking me in when I was about to age out and asked what they did for me to hate them so much. I have been told that though some thought I was healing this is a clear sign that I’m not, that RAD is still a prevelant and life controling diagnosis in my life. And so to sum it all up and set it all straight, me doing this is about my personal power.
My entire life I’ve lived under people who have taken my power and replaced it with fear. I’ve allowed others to tell me who I should/shouldn’t like. I’ve let others tell me that I’m worthless and that I need to be a specific person who does specific things and acts a specific way. Up until the last few years, I didn’t even know I could have my own power. I thought that life was meant to be controlled by someone else. I was sure that if I didn’t find someone to make those decisions for me, I wouldn’t be ok.
Present day, I am working on claiming my power. I am learning to become who I want to be and who more perfectly aligns with my soul. As I work towards full personal power, I realize that my bio family wasn’t ok. Every person in that family thrived on other peoples failure and pain. I realize that with the personal power that I’m obtaining, I can release the desire to feed on others pain and despiration. And as I move forward, I realize that when I chose to be adopted I was seeking someone to continue taking my power. I found that. I found a family that wanted me to be a part of their family and to be a someone. They thrived on that too. They continue to thrive on that as they try to make decisions for me and belittle me. Until I asked them for a reversal, they were still discouraging me from persuing a life outside of the church…something I’d done 7 years ago. I sought someone to control me and they did just that. I gave them my power, and they kept it.
So, I’m choosing reversal because I have the power to finally decide for myself what is or isn’t good for me. I get to choose whether or not those who fail to empower me, in a positive way, stay in my life. It is unfortunate for them as they were doing the best they knew how. But they weren’t able to empower me. They chose to continue to thrive on my failures. It doesn’t take away from the good things they did for me and the love that they did show me. It doesn’t mean that I’m ungrateful for them and for the step forward they gave me in life. It simply means that I am no longer giving my power away to those who thrive off of it. It means that I choose to let go of the anger that they couldn’t empower me, and that we aren’t each otehrs people. I get to learn to empower myself. I’m starting fresh. I’m learning to create myself.